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|Sunday, February 15th, 2015|
|Still holding you in my heart!
Trying to remember past Valentine's Days with you. If I remember right, we didn't ever make a big deal out of it. It was just another day, another opportunity to share our love together. We usually didn't go out on this day because of the crowds. So, we'd stay home & cook something special together. Roast beef & gravy made by me & mashed potatoes & creamed corn made by you. It was your favorite meal & you made it special by helping me in the kitchen. I miss that & so many other small acts of kindness you showered me with. Everyday I find something you bought for me not for any special occasion but just because you loved me. I so appreciated that & hope & pray that you knew how much I loved you & will continue to hold you in my heart on Valentine's Day & everyday.
|Thursday, January 2nd, 2014|
|Happy 2014, Love!
Well another year has come & gone without you in my life. Many things stay the same. Thankfully many of your friends still think of me & sent Christmas cards. You, also received many birthday remembrances. So that touched my heart. Your friend, Allen sent a card with his phone number so I called him to say how much I appreciated that. He too, remembers you and still misses you.
Jen & Sophie are good company for me. They moved in December 10th. Jen likes to cook & shovel snow so that is very helpful since we have had lots of snow already. She likes to watch much of the same things that I do on Netflix. Currently we are watching mysteries. Yesterday, Sue invited us to her home for a little New Years Day get together. We had lots of fun playing a game called "Things". It is a lot like "Apples to Apples" except you write the comments to the card chosen. I used your favorite saying "farts" in response to "Things that shouldn't be lumpy". That got a few laughs.
You are still the one, Babe. Holding you in my heart & soul.
|Tuesday, August 13th, 2013|
|Another birthday without you, Babe!
Turned the big seven oh today. I don't know why but I feel good about this new decade. I don't have all the answers, hell I don't even have all the questions yet. But I do know that one of the best things I ever did was to marry you & have those three strong, beautiful, talented girls. I recently had cataract surgery & while I was out of it, I had a dream that I saw Karma holding Brandon. She told me that they were okay & for me not to worry about them. Then I saw you & you said, "Everything is going to be all right." It felt so good to hear those words that I really do believe: it is going to be all right. I have the house on the market but if it doesn't sell that is okay. I can certainly stay here for a long time. I have moved down stairs & have closed off the upstairs. It is working out just fine. Every day I find something that you had done to make my life easier & I so appreciate it. You were the best & I didn't tell you near enough how much you meant to me. We had such a good life. It wasn't easy but nothing worthwhile ever is easy. I loved you through the good times & the not so good times. It was all worth it & I have no regrets. Thank you for taking such good care of me/us. I have no idea what the future holds but I know that it will be all right.
|Monday, June 17th, 2013|
Another Father's Day has come & gone. It is interesting to note that now after 16 months, my life is slowly getting back to normal, a "new" normal. For the first year after your passing, I was allowed to play the "grieving widow" card & lots of family & friends were there to help me over any rough spots (holidays, your birthday, our wedding anniversary, etc.) But now in this second year, I am painfully aware that "I am on my own". But that is a good thing. The first 18 years of my live were lived with my loving parents. The next 48 years with you, my loving husband. Now at the age of 69 I am on my own without a clue what to do with the rest of my life. I still enjoy going to movies, artist receptions, UU church, playing euchre, camping, reading, bike riding, in other words, all the things that we enjoyed together. But now I have to call someone & ask them to join me. I never was good at instigating anything. I am not a leader but I am a damn good follower, if I do say so myself. God, I miss you! Keeping you in my heart & soul. It was good talking to you. Doro suggested I should use your lj to keep it active so I will try to do that. I have always felt intimated by you & Doro's writing skills but perhaps mine will improve with time. What do I have to loose?
|Happy New Year to all!
2013 has arrived. You would have been proud of our neighborhood. They kept up their tradition of fireworks long after midnight. I thought about calling to complain in honor of you but then figured what the hell. Let it be! This past year has been quite a challenge. Lots of regrets but I am learning to let them go. I know I wasn't a very good sport when you'd beat me at 5 card rummy. I really did enjoy playing though! No matter how mad we got at each other, we were always able to make up. I have no regrets of loving you. We enjoyed life to it's fullest; camping, going to the 'Y", eating out (usually at Henry's), reading, listening to jazz, watching movies, playing euchre, wizards, attending art openings & much more. I still do these things, holding you in my heart. You still get posts on facebook. It touches my heart to read that I am not the only one that misses you. Missing you but cherishing the memories.
|Wednesday, October 10th, 2012|
"Down and out in Paris": "Up and at em in Mexico". What I have done is create (assembled) a folder of maps, notes, brochures, post cards, and other printed material set in no predetermined order and I will now start at the top and work my way to the bottom in presenting this "account" of our recent visit to San Miguel de Allenda, GTO Mexico. Indeed it does have an archaeological feel; start at the top and work your way down.
We were there from Tuesday evening, 11/7 through Tuesday morning, 11/15. The first item on the top of the folder is a small, hand made journal with a picture of Freida Kahlo découpaged on the front cover which I purchased at the four block long Mercado de Artesians. Actually we purchased most of our souvenirs at the Mercado de Artesians because of the "folk" quality of the wears and the demeanor of the artisans. I was able to write a few notes in the book, when I wasn't sidetracked by the experiences I wanted to keep notes on. While my first desire is (was) to place events in chronological order I feel that the experience as a whole is more like one big colorful whack on the side of the head so this is how it will go:
First item is a list of names of some kids I me at the Jardin (Garden, the center town square) in front of the Parroquis (big pink church, a Parish). The kids were in town on a class assignment, to interview obvious tourists in English. I of course agreed and had a blast, took a couple of photos, got their names for FB contact. They are: Rojo Cervanties, Leonardo Diaz, Anthony Liverpool, Charly Palafox and Estefania Barboza. I sent FB friends request to a few of em so I can forward the photo of the group. Nice kids.
Next a business card for Kathleen P. Muldoon, Case Manager, Enloe Regional Cancer Center, Chico, CA. We met her on the way into SM on the shuttle from Leon. Last time we saw or talked with her. Amicable and pleasant.
A receipt for air lines tickets in the amount of 1065.88. No explanation required. The flight was great, about an hour and fifteen minutes from Houston to Leon (the geographic center of Mexico by the way). We were served a meal in flight, unheard of.
The next item is is a note for contacting the shuttle service to take us from Leon airport to Animas 35, San Miguel de Allenda. The ride in the shuttle was comfortable the driver was competent the night sky dappled with a few stars hung like a quilt over the high desert country.
Next is a four page printout from a web site on San Miguel de Allenda.Of note is the dwemographics: the population is reported to be around 85,000 with approximately 6 to 8 thousand expatriates. The settlement was founded in 1542 by a Franciscan monk. A hand full up unrelated reciepts for food in Leon (air port) and at the IHOP in Bryant, AK on the 16th of November nd note written by Maggie listing some of our activities in SM (that's not S&M but San Miguel), for example: Wed; Jardin-breakfast Biblioteca, Mega Store (taxi). Thurs: Bibiloteca-book sale, lunch David Leonardo muralist (more on David later). A receipt for 316.00 (pesos) for supper at La Casa de Los Milagros, great meal and a fine local jazz band. I come across a receipt for a cash withdrawal from an ATM, one of several over the week for pesos' each receipt in the amount of several of thousands, the exchange rate was around 13 to one ( and the rich become richer). A note, info, on the shuttle service from the air port in Leon Mexico, the Bajio Go Shuttle. We arrived early evening and the shuttle driver met us with a sign saying "Curtis". Our travel mate, Dee, missed connections in Chicago and she was in route on a later flight. With the help of another "Norte Americano" and fellow passenger, who spoke a little Spanish and another Mexican shuttle operator, who spoke a little English, we were able to tell our driver who spoke no English what was up and he made arrangements to have Dee picked up later when her flight came in. The guy who spoke only Japanese was no help at all.
The next item is a brochure for "Patronato Pro Ninos" promoting their medical programs for needy children in the area. One of the programs is a guided walking tour of San Miguel conducted by ex-pats for around 30 pesos (10 bucks). Maggie and Dee took the tour while I sat in the Jardin (the center of town, or plaza, Jardin meaning garden, main square) and let Mexico come to me. I got the impression that a lot of social services for children and the aged are funded by groups of ex-pats and of course involved locals. I get the impression that the government is rather removed from providing social services for the impoverished. A coaster for Cantina de los Milagros, see the above entry. .
The next item, remember this is not in chronological order, is the service bulletin for the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship in San Miguel and as I understand the only Unitarian Universalist fellowship in Mexico. Of course all in attendance were ex-pats and their speaker for the service was a retired UCC minister, Bill Hutchinson who spoke very eloquently and passionately about his work in El Salvador for human rights in the eighties and nineties. As he re accounted the horrors of the era, of the friends he lost to the regime tears started to flow from his eyes and from the eyes of all in the audience. Very heart felt and moving. He is the author of a book titled "When the Dogs Ate the Candles: A Time in El Salvador", which is out of print but I got a hold of a copy through Hyde Brother Books. It is a hard read but worth it. After the service we drank coffee and chatted with the congregants while looking out of the floor to ceiling windows of the large open ball room in the hotel where they meet at the cityscape to the north with the pink Parroquis towering above the colorful buildings and cobbled stone streets shimmering in the bright, morning mountain sun light.
In one of the several and I mean SEVERAL small shops in the city I came across a small used-books store selling used and some new books in English. Staffed by ex-pats it became a stopping place as I (we) wondered about SM. One of the "clerks" a poet from "up-north" (I have lived and worked in Ireland, taught English while coaching in Barcelona and spent the better part of thirty years in London. I now divide my time between Florida and San Miguel de Allende, Mexico.)
(she gave me a flyer on "French Sestina" poetry writing. She also provided me with her web site address which I have yet to access. A delightful woman and I look forward to checking her stuff out, poetry that is.
The next item will be overwhelming, a staggering amount of information and inspiration; the "Atencion San Miguel". The Atencion SM is a bi-lingual weekly news paper that comes out on Fridays. It was on this Friday, the eleventh of November, evening that we had dinner and listened to an outstanding jazz quartet at the Hecho en Mexico
, a highly recommended restaurant by the Xpats at the UU. The jazz group we enjoyed consisted of a: key board player, a percussionist (who played a "Peruvian box drum"), an up-right base player ( who played the up-right base) and one hell of a violinist a well known symphony orchestra member, Pedro Cartas They, being musicians and all, went out a smoke break and I went out just to talk and get to know them a bit, they were very gracious, articulate and great guys (well that was my impression although the language barrier dictated the need for a lot of sign language and lapses into Japanese and, of course none of us spoke Japanese). Dee ordered, and paid for, a copy of their pending CD, I hope she gets it cause I want to copy it.
The paper is dated 11/11/11 and at around 11 AM, as we were walking to the Jardin, passing the Mercado de Artesians and entering another "plaza" the one with a large statue of de Allenda on horse back (much like Wayne on horse back in Freimann Sq. here in Fort Wayne only bigger) we saw a group of locals entering a labyrinth drawn out on the plaza court yard, there were people, young and old, drumming, shaking rattles, burning capol incense and being smudged by an apparent shaman as they entered the labyrinth. As we came to understand they were walking the labyrinth "to heal Mexico". As I (we) attempted to communicate in Spanglish (or Japanese, which none of understood) it became clear that htat was the intent of the gathering to Heal Mexico. I was impressed in that the process was not to make Mexico more powerful, richer or to make the participants wealthier, healthier or more powerful to invoke the grace of god but to "Heal Mexico". In reading the Atencion I came across and article on a one hundred year old local artist, Leonard Brooks. I learned that there was a retrospective at the municipal building across from the Jardin. His work was both dark and colorful impressionistic oil landscapes (cityscape also) very nice.
The next item is an e-mail from the shuttle service followed by a history of San Miguel de Allenda downloaded from the net (which I'll keep in a file). It, San Miguil not the file, was founded in 1542. Several receipts for thousand and thousands of peso's. Six colorful note cards purchased at the Biblioteca and three post cards that Maggie bought at a small shop selling good to support local children Actually we bought a lot of "stuff" there because of their mission.
|Sunday, September 11th, 2011|
|Oh yes now I see
It has been ages since I've posted here, been spending a lot of time on FB. So give me some time to pull something together.
|Monday, October 4th, 2010|
|Tuesday, September 21st, 2010|
|now that it's over
I have been slowly reading Howard Zin's "Peoples History of the US", I say slowly because it is a painful accounting of our inhumanity to man, nature and the gods. We, as a nation, have been involved, instrumental, in the continuation of a major war in the Middle East, a war aginst the people who live above a vast reserve of oil, for the control of that that material. Oil continues to be the most desired of all minerals found on the planet. The automobile is killing us, the planet and will kill our grandchildren and their children. As long as the internal combustion engine continues to dominate our basic transportation systems: as long as we long for plastic bags and water bottles, we will continue to befoul our oceans and lands, our gulfs and estuaries by sucking up oil, the Devils sperm, Satan's cum. And now we will feed our corn to our cars driving the cost of meat up until only the rich will be able to eat beef, or pork or chicken but they will be able to drive their BMW's and Porches.
I understand the the US spends, on defense, what the rest of the world, combined, spends annually; over seven hundred billion dollars. I understand that it cost around one hundred thousand dollars to kill one enemy in Afghanistan.
|Friday, March 26th, 2010|
What in the hell is going on with the Extreme Right, the Tea Baggers, the out and out dangerous troglodyte's that are crawling out of the caves of ignorance and greed? Are we facing the next civil war in America over assistance to the needy, the poor the sick and disabled co-citizens. I know there is a mass of right minded people living in this country; we need to speak out, denounce the ugiliness of the violent few.
|Sunday, March 21st, 2010|
"The Sparrow" was published in 1996, fourteen years ago and I just finished reading this spectacular novel, by Mary Doria Russell, a few days ago, but that is not what I want to write about. I just read that the now average rate of interest on bank cards is 18%. I am so glad that my federal government had stepped in to address the issue of usery last year when the average was 11%, way to go Fed people! The federal government went to bat for the american people to address health care reform, and soon we will ALL be mandated to buy health insurance, way to go Fed people. The supreme court decided that american corporation are people and have the right to free speech and can therefore spend as much money as they want to support elected representatives (representatives of the american people) to stay in office, way to go Fed people.
In "The Sparrow" there are two species that inhabit the planet of Rakat, the Runa and the Jana'ata. The Jana'ata use the Runa to manufacture goods, gather trade items, tend to their children, satisfy their sexual needs... and then they eat them: Sorta like what corporate leaders are doing to the working, (and the not working) class. I say kill the rich, eat em and grind their bones to make bread. But as Susej' said, "the rich will always be with us".
I have been reading the writings and musings of a friend of mine who passed away a few years ago. His widow presented a box full of papers to me last week; along with the fossils and minerals he had collected over the years, a passion he and I shared, along with a passion for social justice, universal peace and travel. In future LJ entries I will include some of Jeff's writings.
|Friday, February 5th, 2010|
It's "by the people for the people" not by the corporations for the corporations. Supreme court injustices.
|Thursday, October 15th, 2009|
|Foxes in the hen house
Some one needs to take Fox News down, they must be linked with (............) fill in the blank.
|Monday, October 5th, 2009|
There is no need to worry or be concerned. There are no important decisions that need to be made at the present time and therefore there nothing to worry about. So go about your lives as normal and know that some one has made all the important decisions for you and that, at the moment, there is nothing to worry about at all, I repeat there is nothing to worry about. Nothing, at all. No thing.
" Don't worry be elated".
|Monday, September 14th, 2009|
I suddenly realized that i'd never be thirty-five again.
|Monday, September 7th, 2009|
We recently buried my mother-in-law, Evalyn L. Ayer, she was ninety-four years old. Spirited and feisty at the start of the summer. She attended several games at the Collage World Series there in Omaha Nebraska; reigned royal at the Lyons high school alumni banquet in May, waving like the crowned queen that she was; she rode in regal style in a convertible, again waving like royalty, at the Fourth of July parade in down town Lyons, smiling and throwing candy to the kids along the three block block route down main street.
We had traveled back to Lyons a week before she died to see her in the hospital where she was dealing with pneumonia. She was restless and combative, screaming and calling for her son, her husband, her mom her dad. Her husband, Roy, had died fifteen years ago, her son, Dick, was in Omaha working and tending to family issues. Her daughters, Maggie and Junavae, held her hands as her clouded eyes darted about the hospital room, confused and lost in the unreality of death. She was not going to go 'gently into that good night'; she cried out; "Don't let me die" and "I don't want to die" several times, raging against the 'dying of the light'. She was asleep on the day we left to come back home to Indiana, not screaming that banshee scream or shouting over and over: "I want my Dick, I want my Dick, I want my Dick", oblivious to her attending daughters, crying out for her only living son, Richard Ayer. She would sometimes ask for her son Paul, and when told that Paul was dead, had been dead for almost twenty-five years, she would cry, "Oh no, oh no" and my wife and her sister and I would cry with her, pulled into her loss and pain being relived as she was dying. My wife, emotionally drained, was ready to go home.
I remember the younger Evie, the mother of my girl friend; Mrs Roy Ayer, loved and admired by her friends and a large and growing contingent known as family, feared and respected by her few and trembling enemies. Evie; maker of pies and rye bread, cinnamon buns and rolls, keeper of flowers and plants, of grand children and bunnies by the dozens, keeper of the oral history that flowed through her veins with the blood of her forefathers. She was the only other woman, other than my mother and my wife, that I truly loved; the only other woman other than my wife that I stood in awe of. I will miss her and I wish her a fond farewell.
|Tuesday, September 1st, 2009|
Computers are doing to books, what books did to the scroll, and what the scroll did to clay tablets and what clay tablets did to the human voice.
|Sunday, August 2nd, 2009|
|At this moment
Like Alice I have fallen into a hole, a gaping, black hole of fear and loathing for humanity. I tire of the selfish right and the liberal left, of do gooders and do-badders, of greed and apathy, of rapacious destruction and slothful indulgences. I tire of crumbling jobs and crumbling infastructure, of crumbling morals and blighted houses where old men's lawnmowers and children's bicycles are stolen to buy rocks of crack cocaine. I have become completely disenchanted with all of mankind. We continue to befoul our planet in the most malignant of ways; the rich sucking up even greater wealth and recources and the poor shitting and pissing in our rivers and allys, passing on disease, McDonald's, Zyprexa and street drugs through their elimination systems; like Siberian Shamans passing on hallucinogens on to their supplicants through their urine. Drink deeply of the cities water, drink deeply and wipe your chin when done.
When my daughter was a child she wrote a one line poem that simply went: "Pain, disease and cavities": stating the human condition, a condition that the wealthy medical and insurance executives and their wealthy investors need to maintain in order to thrive and grow. We fool ourselves when we seek health insurance for all; universal health care bought by taxing the wealthy: they will kill us before they allow that to happen, they need our hunger and pain to thrive. The wealthy thrive on our discomfort, our longings and desires just as the church thrives on our fears and guilt.
Well, I feel better now! How about you?
|Thursday, June 4th, 2009|
|The month of June
I want June back: She is an empty month, cold, desolate like an Arctic winter or a Sargasso sea where the things we love are lost forever. June, the sixth month, the turn to summer, the loss of a daughter and grandson in that lifeless sea of time, the icy Artic of my heart.
I want June back: She is the most powerful goddess, wife of Jupiter, it is she who brings summer and wheat and corn and tomatoes; June is the month of bike rides and swimming holes, long walks in the quiet woods climbs to mountain meadows and clear blue sky's, to Strawberry Lakes and sun filled rain forests.
I want June back: I want to remember her laughter, hear her sing to see her thick, blond hair spread across her night time pillow as she sleeps a child's sleep, safe in the arms of my memory.
I want June back.
|Thursday, May 7th, 2009|
Repent now. Current Mood: listless